Holo-Diary of Master Dooku
by Cmdr's Monkey
Summary: Tionne Solusar has found a holo-recorder stashed away in the ruins of the Jedi Temple's living quarters while trying to salvage the lost knowledge of the Jedi. What she finds is the life of a Jedi Master before he had fallen. A private journal covering Count Dooku's life from age 4 to age 70, when he joins and leaves the Jedi Order.
1. Year One - Day 1

**Title: **Holo-Diary of Master Dooku

**Genre**: Humor, Angst, Drama, Adventure, etc

**Timeline**: 66 years before TPM to TPM

**Characters**: Master Dooku, Yoda, Qui-Gon, Jocasta, and others

**Summary:** Tionne Solusar has found a holo-recorder stashed away in the ruins of the Jedi Temple's living quarters while trying to salvage the lost knowledge of the Jedi. What she finds is the life of a Jedi Master before he had fallen.

**Author's Notes**: This diary is being written for the TFN Diary Challenge 2013. It will cover Count Dooku's life as a Jedi from age 4 to age 70. I've got a lot of entries already written since January when this was started on TFN. I'll post them once a week, hopefully every Thursday.

Here is the first entry. Enjoy!

* * *

**Year Sixty-Six – Just Before Resignation**

_A hologram appears of an elderly Jedi Master. His hair is dark, streaked with gray and his brown eyes are tired. The hologram flickers as he adjusts something on an unseen control panel before he straightens his vestments and begins to speak in a baritone voice..._

I am Yan Dooku, a Master in the fabled Order of the Jedi. I am also exactly seventy standard years and I am feeling every single one tonight. It has been a long time since I have recorded on this dusty old holorecorder, but I suppose it should not come as a surprise considering the life I have led for the last sixty some odd years with the Jedi. There simply was not the time to record down what was going on in my life, at least after I had become a Knight myself...

_He pauses with a look of contemplation before continuing._

No, it was after Qui-Gon had become a Knight when I stopped recording on this thing as frequently as I had. It is ironic looking back, watching a frightened child growing into a man, wanting to go home and have nothing to do with the Jedi. Now I will finally have that chance to do what I wanted when I first came here. Except everyone that I had wanted to return to is long gone and all that remains is a family I do not even know.

_He is quiet for a few moments. A sadness seems to briefly overcome him before he manages to school his features into a cold, stoic expression._

I have always wondered why I stayed once I had reached the legal age to decide for myself. I knew I could have left any time and rejoined my younger brother as the Count of Serenno. I could have left and pursued a wife and had a son of my own instead of standing here feeling empty from the loss of one I had considered my own. I could have enjoyed being an uncle to my nephew, Adan, instead of being that distant, eccentric relative that was a Jedi.

I suppose the reason I stayed was because it was what my parents had wanted for me. Strong as I was in the Living Force, my future would be with the Jedi and I would bring honor to our House by becoming one of the greatest masters that ever lived. That is what my father had told me when I had asked after my Knighting. I take that back, it was after I had taken Qui-Gon as my Padawan, he was priority over my own personal matters.

Qui-Gon.

_A heavy sigh._

I told myself I would not mourn his loss and yet my thoughts continue to drift toward him. My padawan, the boy whom I had raised to adult and Knighthood had been murdered by our ancient enemies. He's the reason why I am recording on this blasted thing again. I wanted to remember him and yet I find myself looking back to the first days of my apprenticeship instead. Perhaps I want to find a reason to continue to stay before I make the decision to resign my commission tomorrow morning?

_He lowers his head, struggling with an unseen conflict within him. He continues after a moment, a dark look in his eyes._

Without Qui-Gon being that one squall of defiance amidst the sea of complacency, I have no hope for the Jedi. They do not listen to me anymore. I have become _too old_ and _set in my ways_ to see things the Council does. Bah! They are the ones too set in their ways to see anything! Too complacent! Now that the Sith have returned, the Council will be the death of us all, mark my words!

Just like they were the death of my Padawan!

_His fists ball up as a hidden temper rises with his words. He calms down and reaches for the unseen controls. The hologram flickers and disappears._

**Year One - Day One**

_A hologram of a small boy with unruly hair and wearing the attire of a Jedi Initiate flickers to life. His tongue sticks out at the side as he tries to make the recorder work. He blinks once he realizes it is working and licks his palm to push back his hair and make it stick flat to his skull. One cow lick pops back up and he glares before turning his gaze to the recorder and speaks._

I want to go home, but the green alien tells me that I am home now. I know it is not. There is no ocean or roses in the garden I had been shown. It is noisy outside and there are so many strange beings. I am afraid.

I remember being given to the short alien whom my father, the Count, said was a Jedi Master. My mother hadn't been present and I do not understand why. I do not understand why I was taken away. Had I not been a good boy? Had I done something to anger my parents?

The alien tells me it is because I am special, like him and everyone else in the... the Temple I think is what he said this place was. That I have a gift and that he and a future master will help me learn how to use and help the galaxy. Helping others is something I understand. My father always told me that the '_Counts of Serenno do not cry or ask for help, we are born to help others_.'

I did not cry when I was taken. At least I think I didn't. I know I wanted to. I also wanted my mother and my best friend, Mala, and bury my face and fingers in her fur as she gave me kisses in a caring way that only pets knew how.

But I refused to cry.

I also did not talk after we arrived.

Yoda said I would get use to my new family in time and learn to let go of my old one. I didn't want to. I still don't. He only smiled at me before handing me over to another alien, a female with striped horns rising from her skull and something like lekkus resting over her shoulders. I know what lekkus are. My father has a Twi'lek servant that keeps the garden. But this alien was not a Twi'lek.

She asked me my name and I said nothing. I refused to talk. Maybe if I prove more trouble than I am worth they would take me back to my real home?

To my _real_ family.

_The boy's lip quivers and his face darkens as he tries his best not to cry. He loses the battle and kicks the recorder away. The scene spins and a small bed appears as the sound of a child crying is heard in the background. Eventually the recorder shuts down after a minute of no motion._


	2. Year One - Day 2

Just to clarify to anyone who might feel confused with the style, this story is being told from a visual recorder. _Italics_ describes what is being seen by the recorder. Any quotations in italics is what the recorder is picking up at a distance. No formatting is the character talking directly to or right in front of the recorder.

And thank you to those who have reviewed, followed and/or favorited this story thus far. I really was not expecting any response to it so soon.

* * *

**Day Two**

_The hologram of the boy appears but this time his appearance is different. His hair is no longer unruly, but clean cut._

I think I am in trouble for this morning. I had been handed over to a new being yesterday, this one I am told would be my ... my I don't know the word but she is like nana back home. She takes care of me and nine other kids like me. Yesterdayshe had me dress in cloth that itches and matches the other kids but was a lot more comfortable than what nana always made me wear.

I do not mind too much. I never did like the stuffy clothing I had to wear. I could never play in the sand on the beaches near our home when I wore what nana called 'proper attire for a Count's son'. I wonder if I could in these? Would they let me?

I probably wouldn't find out anyway after what I had done.

After I was dressed this morning and broke my fast, my new _nana_ took me to another part of the Temple where other Jedi were having their hair cut. I knew what this meant and reached up to touch the short locks I was allowed to have. I watched in fascination and horror as a snail like alien cheerfully removed all of a Jedi's hair so that all he had left was a shiny head.

I wanted to keep my hair and when it was my turn I shamefully screamed and tugged against my nana when she tried to bring me to the Ithorian. In my defense, I was frightened and desperate to get away. That's why I bit her hand and kicked her in the leg.

_The boy grins a little at the memory._

I didn't get far. Something stopped me before I could dash out the door and slowly brought me to the chair and the snail-like alien. I screamed some more when the alien began cutting my hair and I feared he would take it all like he had done to that other Jedi.

I would not cry even though I wanted to as I felt the alien begin his work.

"This one has quite a set of lungs on him," someone had said in a calming voice. It had the effect he was hoping for and I stopped so I could look at him. It was the bald Jedi and he smiled at me warmly. "One would think you were attached to your hair, youngling."

I shook my head in reply which only got me two hands on either side of my head and held still for a second before the scissors went to work again.

"So you're not attached to your hair then?" asked the Jedi and I nodded in answer. I still refused to talk. "Then why all the fuss?" I pointed at his head and he surprised me with a mild laugh. He ran his hand over his hairless skull and smiled again as he realized my fear. "Ah young one, you fear Jedi Ik'e will take all of yours like he did mine?"

I nodded again.

"I will tell you a secret young one." He had my attention and the scissors fell quiet next to me as he leaned in to whisper me his secret. "I asked for it to be cut off. You see, little one, I had the misfortune of having a vat of sticky goo landing on me and it stuck my hair into unmanageable knots. I figure it was better to have no hair rather than try and get the sticky knots out."

I must have worn a disbelieving look for he called up a piece of his hair and showed me. I wrinkled my nose at the black stuff the strands were glued with.

He patted me on the shoulder and spoke to the alien behind me. "Don't take too much, Ik'e. The youngling would not look as good as I without his hair." The alien said something in its strange garble sound and the bald Jedi chuckled in reply. "What is your name, little one?"

"Yan Dooku," I had answered. I realized my mistake and quickly clamped my mouth shut with my hands.

It seemed to amuse the Jedi and he patted me on the shoulder. "I am Thame Cerulian. Welcome to the Jedi Order, young master Dooku."

"_Initiate Dooku," someone called in the background and the boy looked up quickly. He reached for the holorecorder just as the sound of a door swished open. The hologram faded with the words, "There you are..."_


	3. Year One - Day 3

_Sorry for the late update. Totally forgot. XD_

* * *

**Day Three**

_Dooku appears, looking like he has played in the dirt. He still looks unhappy._

It seems I didn't get in trouble like I thought I would. Master Naki merely lectured me about how big of a fuss I made about my hair getting cut and that I shouldn't bite or kick people. I didn't ask to have my hair cut and certainly not by Master Ik'e. I wouldn't have acted up then.

_The boy folds his arms as he pouts and continues to talk._

She found this recorder and was going to take it away but Master Yoda was present and said I should be allowed to keep it. Said it would help in my... tran shish... trans ... my getting use to this place.

At least I got to have some fun today. Master Naki took us to an outside playing ground today. There were other kids from other groups there. The others in my group ran ahead while I stayed behind and watched. I wasn't sure what to do. I've seen these places before back home but I was never allowed to join in. We always passed the parks.

"Go on," I had felt Master Naki gently prod me toward the others. I had looked up at her, lost. I didn't know what to say or do. "Go enjoy yourself and make some friends, youngling."

Another gentle push had me walking over to a group that were playing on bars that they grabbed at one end and swung across to the other end. One boy lost his grip half way and fell to the ground. He didn't cry like I thought he would but laughed before running back to get in line.

It looked fun despite the chance of falling. Some of the kids were already dirty from several attempts at crossing and not making it. The idea of getting dirty was strange to me. I know I wanted to do so back home but was never allowed.

"Won't you get in trouble for messing up your clothes?" I had asked, forgetting that I vowed not to talk. At this point I decided I could talk to the other kids at least. The boy who had fallen looked at me strangely and laughed. I glared.

"No," he replied. "We're suppose to get dirty, silly."

"Why would we want to do that?" I had always been told that the son of a Count was suppose to be proper and prim at all times because I was to make an impression for my father's friends. Dirt had no place in my life and would say I was uncivilized otherwise.

Yet watching the others get dirty as they played didn't seem so. It looked fun and the boy I spoke to said as much. "Because it's fun and we're suppose to have fun. Didn't you ever play where you're from?"

I looked down regretfully. "No. I wasn't allowed to, at least not like this."

He had grabbed me by the hand unexpectedly and shoved me in front of him. "Come on. It's fun." I looked at him dubiously but a push from him had me climbing the short ladder and grabbing the first bar. "You swing across like a monkey-lizard!"

I did as he said but by the time I reached the fourth bar my arms gave out and I fell into the dirt below. The boy made it a couple bars past me and lost his grip too and although I was angry I didn't make it across, he seemed not to care and grinned at me.

"Let's get back in line and try again," he had suggested and I followed. He stuck out his hand as we waited and introduced himself. "I'm Lorian, what's your name?"

"Yan Dooku."

"Nice to meet ya, Yan. Wanna see who gets across first?" I looked at the bars and watched as a auburn haired girl made it across. She was just as big as I and probably no older. If she could make it, I knew I could as well.

I had grinned at Lorian. "Yeah."

I remember thinking that being here might not be so bad. At least with the others. Master Naki, though, I could do without.

_"Initiate Dooku, it is time for your bath." The boy snapped his head in the direction his name was called._

"Oh no."

_He got up from his spot on the floor and ran off. A second later half of Master Naki is seen walking past the recorder. "I don't want a bath!"_

_"My goodness, I have never had so much trouble with a youngling until you came along."_

_"Then take me home!"_

_"I'm afraid I cannot send you back to your old home, Initiate. Now stop behaving like a wild child. What would your parents think of you if they saw you like this?"_

_There was silence and then Naki could be seen passing the recorder again. Dooku's feet dangled into view from where she held him in her arms._


	4. Year One - Day 186

**Year One - Day One-Eighty Six**

_Dooku scratches at a patch hidden underneath his arm as he sits quietly in front of the recorder. He looks flushed, like he's recently exerted himself by playing or something._

I got into a fight today with a boy with a ring of horns on his head. I don't know what he is, I've never seen his kind before. Anyway, he wouldn't stop teasing me about the exercises Master Sulla was trying to teach us today. I couldn't flip over side ways, my feet kept going the other way when I tried.

_He winces a little and turns his scratching to rubbing._

Stupid alien bit me on my arm. Now I can't ever do the flips until it heals. I'll show him though. I'll do the stupid flip better than him. Better than anyone!

_He frowns and examines the patch on his arm._

I overheard the other adults about the fight, about me. They said I have a lot of anger in me. Of course I'm angry! The boy wouldn't stop teasing me and they won't take me home. I've been here for almost a year now and I haven't made any friends and those who I have played with seem to tolerate me more than like me.

I find myself alone a lot.

I miss mom and dad.

I miss Mala.

I hate this place.

_"Learn to let go, you should," said someone who stepped into view as the young Dooku stared in surprise. He reached for the recorder to turn it off but Yoda stopped him gently with the tip of his gimmerstick. "Look upon this again in the future you may need."_

_Dooku wasn't sure what to say or do so he stayed quiet but timidly cast his head down._

"_Like many things you will not. Face these things a Jedi must, if he ever wishes to accomplish that which he sets out to do."_

"_I don't want to be a Jedi," Dooku protested quietly, daring to glare up at the old Jedi Master. "I want to go home."_

"_Miss your family you do," Yoda replied and with some effort he sat down beside the boy, his ears flattened slightly against his head, looking saddened. "Miss you they do also, but proud they are of you. Proud that you will become a Jedi."_

_Dooku wiped at his nose with the sleeve of his good arm. "How would you know? Master Naki says I am to forget them. That they are no longer a part of my life."_

"_Tsk, youngling. Master Yoda knows, because spoke to your father he did. Saddened to let you go, he was, but proud of your gift more so. Keeps in contact with the Order, your father does, so that he may know how well you are. Forgotten you are not and alone you most certainly are not."_

"_Why can't I talk to him?"_

"_Miss him more you will," Yoda explained and placed a clawed hand on the boy's shoulder. "Hinder your training it would. Ask you to forget them, Master Naki should not have, but let go you should."_

"_But isn't that the same as forgetting?"_

_Yoda shook his head lightly._

"_Attached to your hair, are you not?" Dooku reached up to his spiky, short-cropped hair and shook his head. "But remember its old length you do?" The boy nodded. "But attached you are not, why?"_

"_It's just hair."_

"_A part of you it still is. Miss it why do you not?"_

_Dooku frowned as he thought about it. After a moment he seemed to understand. "Because it will grow back eventually, so I shouldn't mourn something that really isn't lost."_

_The small alien smiled but said nothing, waiting on the boy._

_Dooku continued, "I don't see how I am to let go of my parents."_

_Yoda sighed softly and slowly climbed back to his feet. "Lost to you, your parents are not. Far away they may be, but always be there and love you they will. With that knowledge, young Dooku, learn to let go you can. Meditate on this you should."_

_The boy looked down embarrassingly. "I'm not very good at meditating, Master."_

_The Jedi Master chuckled softly and patted the top of the boy's head. "Nor was I when your age I was. Learn you will, that is why you are here."_


	5. Year Two - Day 145

**Year Two – Day One Forty-Five**

_Dooku looks despondent, he's sitting on his cot at the head while the recorder apparently rested at the foot of it. He has a lightsaber hilt in his hands, small enough for his size but also large enough for him to still grow in to._

Today is my Naming Day. I didn't know until Master Naki gave me this and told me I am five years old now. She told me I am old enough to begin my lightsaber training. Master Yoda is suppose to teach the first year younglings and I'll admit that I am a little eager to learn. I have seen some of the other Jedi fighting each other in large rooms whenever I passed them on my way to lessons. I find watching them to be wizard.

_He presses a switch on the side and a gold blade snaps into existence and he stares at it, a little amazed before shutting it off._

It was suppose to be my Naming Day gift but it's not the same. Dad would have given me a toy model ship and some credits to buy some candy in town. Mom and Nana would have taken me into town so I could get new clothes for the party Dad would host. I remember the last one, there was this old woman there that wouldn't stop pinching my face and make stupid baby noises at me. I didn't like her, even told her once and she and my Dad found it funny. I didn't find my cheeks hurting funny.

I still miss them, but not as much. I've come to accept that I will never get to go home, but I promised myself I would never forget home. One day, when I am a Knight, I will go home and the Jedi cannot tell me no. Master Cerulian says becoming a Knight is like coming of age for a Jedi, I can do almost anything I want then.

I will be a Jedi when I return home. I won't make Dad disappointed.

_He fiddles with the lightsaber in his hands, flipping it over and over before letting it settle between his small palms and gripping it firmly, as if he was making the same vow again but silently to himself. He reached for the recorder then and his hologram disappears._


	6. Year Two - Day 162

**Year Two - Day 162**

Today was great!

_A grin wider than Coruscant's crescent moon was plastered on his face, excitement in his eyes while Dooku carried the recorder across his room._

I got to start lightsaber moves and showed up that stupid horned alien, Denton. I can do the katas better and faster than him. He couldn't without hitting himself with the blade. Watch!

_Dooku laughed before he stepped away with his training saber and began swinging it a little clumsily as he goes through the Shii-Cho katas, but not once does he hit himself with it. The grin is still plastered on his face before he breaks the routine and starts a fight with an imaginary foe. His swings become wild and irregular until he abruptly stops with the gold blade in front of him, pointed at his enemy._

_"You are defeated, Sith! Give up or be stabbed! Never? So be it, evil chubba!" Dooku thrusts forward and then feigns being hit by the _evil Sith Lord_. "Ahh! You will pay for that!"_

_A triumphant smirk crosses his face as he stabs at the floor and then lifts the blade up in victory. _

_"Victorious, Master Dooku is, yes?" commented the voice of an amused Yoda. The old troll steps into view of the recorder, smiling as Dooku recovers from nearly dropping the weapon. "Defeated the evil Sith he has."_

_"I um..." the boy looks embarrassed at being caught playing make believe. Yoda chuckles softly and gently pats him on the arm._

_"Embarrassed you should not be, young one. Healthy for the mind it is to imagine." The Jedi Master sat down on the boy's cot and Dooku shifted on his feet uncomfortably._

_"I was just practicing, Master Yoda, and got carried away."_

_"Let old Yoda disturb your war with the Sith, you should not. How well Master Dooku welds a lightsaber, heard this I have and wish to see this I do." The boy takes a moment to consider the Master's request before he nods. He steps back and goes through the katas he had learned for the day. His motions are clumsy, but there is an intense look of concentration on his face._

_He goes through the motions one more time before adding a few swings that were not Shii-Cho, but resembled the unpredictable swings of Ataru and a block very much from Soresu. Dooku ended the routine with a over head chop from Djem So, panting from the exertion._

_"Hmm, learned these other katas from Master Vil'skar you have not?" asked the small alien. Dooku shook his head._

_"I... I watch the others sometimes. Should I not have?"_

_Yoda hopped down from the cot and came over to the uncertain boy. "Impressed old Yoda, you have. Not every day does an Initiate learn from seeing. Very impressed, yes. A thing or two, might have to teach you."_

_The boy brightened a little. "You would teach me?"_

_"Speak with Master Vil'skar, I will. Until then, believe your Sith Lord is getting up he is." Yoda chuckled softly as he stepped away and left a shocked Dooku standing there. After a moment he turns to the recorder._

Did you hear that? Master Yoda is going to teach me! Me! Denton can't make fun of me now. He can have his stupid flips, I'll be the best lightsaber master there is!

_He goes back to practicing for a bit before he falls back into fighting the Sith. For the first time since he arrived at the Temple, he was genuinely smiling._


	7. Year Two - Day 170

**Year Two – Day 170**

_The scenery is different this time. Instead of the cot and spartan room that was Dooku's personal bedroom, the area is open with mats on the floor and benches along the wall. Training equipment also adorn the walls beneath the large, elongated windows that illuminated the chamber. In the center of the room is Master Yoda waiting on the boy as he finishes setting up the recorder._

_Dooku talks in a quiet whisper, giving Yoda a furtive glance._

Master Yoda kept his promise and is going to train me in lightsaber techniques. I am eager to learn and glad for the privacy. I'm the only one here, so I don't have to listen to Denton make fun of me. Not like he could without making himself look stupid anyway. He still cannot do the katas right.

"_Have all day, Master Yoda does not," commented the little master with amusement rather than impatience. Dooku finishes with the recorder and quickly trots over to stand off to the side and waits for the Jedi Master to begin._

"_Your life, your lightsaber is," began the venerable master, his green weapon ignited and slowly weaving a pattern through the air. In his other hand is a spherical object. "An extension of your arm as well as who you are. Revere the weapon you should, for it will serve you well. Dishonor it and dishonor yourself you do. Understand what I say, do you Dooku?"_

_The boy nodded as he examined the practice saber he had been given on his Naming Day. "I think so, Master."_

"_Then begin your training we shall." Yoda disengaged his weapon and returned it to his side before pressing something on the sphere. He tossed it into the air and immediately it began to float with a hiss. "A remote, this is. Teach you how to defend yourself, it will. Control your anger, you will learn too."_

"_I thought you were going to teach me how to use this?" Dooku raised the unignited weapon._

"_Teach you, I am. Essential control is. Without it, cut an arm or leg off you would." Yoda smiled a little as he gestured at the boy. "Face your Sith Lord you would not be able to then, yes?"_

_Dooku scowled a little but nodded and ignited the gold blade of his saber. The remote responded immediately to the threat and began hovering around him, jerking back and forth and spinning on its axis as if it were looking for the perfect spot to attack. "What do I do?"_

"_Feel in the Force the remote, let go of your emotions and guide you the Force will."_

_The remote suddenly attacked, its ruby bolt stinging the boy on the hand. Dooku bit his lip to stifle the cry he wanted to express. He would not cry, not in front of Master Yoda. His face turns to a look of deep concentration as his dark eyes follow the remote. Yoda hobbles over and closer to the recorder and sits down next to it while he watches his new student._

Proud you are, Initiate Dooku. Angry too, you are. So much pride and anger, for so young of a mind. Wonder I do, what has shaped you this way. Know you were old, older than most children who come here. Know you remember of home, I do, and know you still wish to go home. But home the Temple is for you now. For taking you away, angry at old Yoda you are not. So where comes from this anger does? Hmm.

"_Ow!" came a cry from Dooku and he retaliates against the remote and tries to hack at it. The remote deftly avoids his strike and zaps him in the rear. Smarting and rubbing his sore behind, the boy glares at the thing offending him so much._

"_Let go, youngling. No place does your anger have. Only cloud your mind and unbalance you it will."_

"_I can't do it, Master," said a defeated Dooku, disengaging his weapon and looking over at the green alien. He's trying his best not to look upset or break out crying. Yoda stood up and stepped out of sight of the recorder. The sound of his cane echoing grew fainter before it stopped and then grew louder again as he returned into view with something in his hand._

"_See too much, you do," the master said and placed a visor shielded helm over the boy's head. "See you shall no more."_

"_But how am I suppose to fight if I cannot see?" _

"_Deceive you, your eyes do. Learn to trust them, you shall not. Let the Force guide this time. Again, youngling." Yoda stepped back and out of the way, but not far, as Dooku hesitantly reignited the lightsaber. The remote hovered once more and again it scored twice more against the boy. _

_A curse he should not have learned at so young of an age escaped his lips. "Learn such language you have, Yoda knows not how. Teach you better etiquette, I will."_

"_Sorry, Master," Dooku said distractedly. The remote struck him again and his grip on the lightsaber hilt tightened for a few seconds before he relaxed. His posture loosened and Yoda smiled, easily recognizing the signs as the boy let go of his anger finally. As soon as he did, the gold blade was a blur as Dooku brought it around in time to block the next two shots._

"_I did it! Ow!" A third shot nipped him in the arm and Dooku rubbed at it. "No fair!"_

"_Fair, the remote is. Distracted you were, took a shot it did." Yoda chuckled from where he stood, leaning against his cane. "But did well you have. Repeat it again you shall until you block all the shots."_

"_Yes, Master Yoda."_

_Dooku grinned under the helm as he faced the remote again. The recorder continued to document his lesson over the next hour, capturing Dooku missing and succeeding until he did what Yoda wanted him to do and it wasn't blocking all the shots. When it was over and Yoda stepped out to let the boy gather his things before he would return him to the creche, Dooku looked tired and sore as he approached the recorder._

That was fun, even if it did hurt a little.

_He rubbed at his right hand where the remote seemed to have taken pleasure in striking at him the most._

It took me a while to see what Master Yoda wanted me to do, but I learned it. I think. I could see the remote even though the helmet blinded me. It was just _there _and I could... I could _feel_ when it was going to shoot again and from where. When I wasn't angry at it that is. I mean, as soon as I stopped being angry, I could do it. Block the shots, that is.

_He reaches down to pick up the recorder and the scene jostles about as he lifts it._

Master Yoda says I won't move to the katas of Shii-Cho again until he feels I am ready. He says I have to work on my control first. I don't understand why, I could do the katas easily enough. I have no trouble controlling the lightsaber.

_He's thoughtful for a moment._

Maybe he wants me to control my anger first? I did say I couldn't do the lesson when I was angry.

_Dooku purses his lips before he shuts the recorder off._


	8. Year Two - Day 180

**Year Two – Day 180A**

_Dooku is upset. He looks like he has been crying as he wipes at his nose with the sleeve of his tunic. He takes a staggering deep breath before he finds his voice._

Denton and I fought again. We were practicing flips and jumping today. I have gotten better at flipping, but not as good as the horned freak.

_He sniffles and looks down at his hands, ashamed._

He called me 'Yoda's pet' while we waited for Master Sulla to finish showing the older students how to jump the horse bar. I tried to ignore him and not get angry at him. Master Yoda says my temper is improving but I still have a long way to go. But how can I control it when stupid Denton makes fun of me? I am not Yoda's pet! Just because he teaches me himself doesn't mean I am terrible at being a Jedi.

_He looks away uncertainly for a moment before scowling darkly._

I'm not a failure! Master Yoda praised me and continues to praise me! Denton is wrong and I told him as much. At least I don't hit myself with the lightsaber every time. He didn't like me reminding him of that, so he pushed me. I pushed back and the next thing I knew we were wrestling on the mats. Master Sulla broke us up but not before I used my practice saber against Denton.

_Dooku looks crestfallen now._

Master Sulla took it away from me. I thought she was angry at me but looking back now, she seemed more disappointed in me than angry. I messed up, I know I did. Master Yoda said I should respect the lightsaber and I didn't. I... I used it out of anger. He probably won't teach me anymore now.

_He wipes at his nose again with the sleeve of his tunic._

I will make things right. I will show Master Yoda and Master Sulla that I _can_ control my anger. I won't let it get the better of me again. I won't use my lightsaber to hurt someone again. I won't let Denton get at me again! I promise! I promise! I want to make Master Yoda proud of me... I want my lightsaber back. I want... I want...

_Dooku hiccups and then gets up, too upset to continue, before running out of the room. The recorder shuts off after a minute._

**Year Two – Day 180B**

_Dooku sits down in front of the recorder. He seems different somehow. He doesn't look as upset as before and the chrono times this entry several hours after the last one. The hologram seems distorted a bit before it clears. Occasionally, the image flickers and the audio fades as if the file had been deleted and someone had managed to mostly recover it._

Master Yoda found where I went hiding when Master Naki couldn't find me. I ran to the huge garden, the one with the waterfalls and streams. I had hid myself in a cave behind the biggest waterfall. It was cold inside and a little wet, but I didn't care. All I could think about was how I failed Master Yoda and my parents and how much I hate Denton. I was certain that the Jedi would send me home now, but I find that I don't want to go back home. Not like this anyway.

Master Yoda wasn't angry with me like I thought he would be. He had my lightsaber with him but didn't give it back yet. He seemed more saddened then angry, disappointed for sure. But he didn't yell at me or lecture right away. He simply sat down beside me where I rested with my knees to my chest.

"Why so upset are you?" he had asked me.

I shamefully looked away from him. "Denton got what he wanted."

"That would be what, youngling?"

"You won't want to train me now." I was certain that I would be sent back home this time. It was what I wanted ever since I first came here. But now when I feel that I will get what I want, I find that I do not want it. I have come to like being here and although I do not like some of the adults, I would miss the other kids in my clan, especially the few that I have made friends with. Here I can play and get dirty, I can do things I know my mother would not approve of...

_He frowned slightly as he tries to remember something before shaking his head and continuing._

Master Yoda reassured me that he wasn't going to stop training me because I had gotten into a fight with Denton again. He showed me my lightsaber when he lectured to me about what I had done with it.

"Your life, this weapon is. It is to be used in defense, never for attack and never in anger. Dishonor it you have by striking at Denton with it," he had told me in a gentle voice. I knew he was being kind to me for a reason. I was upset and his more stricter tone would simply have upset me more.

"I was defending myself," I had dared to argue but Yoda shook his head in disagreement.

"Defend yourself you may have, but done so in anger. Wanted to hurt the boy you did."

"What was I suppose to do then?" I met his gaze questioningly. I wasn't sure what I should have done. Denton was bigger than me and older and I couldn't beat him with my own strength. I wasn't going to let him beat me up either.

"Into the Force, let go of your emotions you should. Fear leads to anger, anger to hate, and hate to suffering. Afraid you were, of being beaten by Denton and your fear led to your anger. Angry you were at being picked on by him again and your anger led to your hate. Hate him you do for bullying you and your hate led him to suffer. Suffer the boy now does as he sits in the Healers Ward for burns caused by your weapon. Understand do you, Dooku?"

"He deserved it," I stubbornly sniffed in reply and was rewarded with a smack on my knee with his cane. I had rubbed at the sore spot and glared at him. "What was that for?"

"Deserve it he does or not, matters not. About you and your anger this is." Yoda gave me a stern look and I knew he was not happy with my choice of words. "Chose to hurt him you do. Chosen differently you could have. Simply to stop the fight was a choice to you, but took the easy path you had instead. Why?"

I remember hesitating in answering him. I don't remember why though. All I remember is that it has something to do with my mother. I remember crying again and Master Yoda stroking my head, telling me to let go. I felt something in my mind. He...

_Dooku stops talking and stares at the recorder a little blankly. He reaches up to rub at his eyes and blinks before his image suddenly distorts and disappears to be replaced by blinking red words: _

_**FILE DATA CORRUPT.**_

_**ATTEMPT RECOVERY: YES/NO? **_


	9. Year Three - Day 30 - 31 - 40

**Year Three – Day 30**

_Dooku is sitting on his cot. On the floor are several pebbles and he looks deeply lost in concentration. Soon one of the pebbles starts to shudder as some unknown force tries to grasp on to it. Slowly it begins to lift off the ground and as it does, a smile appears on the boy's face. Just as he allowed the emotion, the pebble clatters back to the floor. He frowns at the recorder._

Dang it! I almost had it this time! I've been learning how to grab things with the Force and even push things with it. Its really weird how I can touch something without actually touching it. Master Yoda has been teaching us. I'm told he teaches all of the Initiates how to use the Force directly and I look forward to learning from him. Speaking of learning, my lightsaber lessons with him have been tiring but fun. He's been teaching me Form I, Shii-Cho, now that I've managed to defeat the remote more times than it defeats me.

_He smiles proudly._

I've been watching the other lightsaber instructors to see what other styles there are and there is one that I like. I don't know what it is called but the Jedi who uses it has never lost a fight. He doesn't move around a lot but I suppose that's a given considering his age. He's old but not older than Master Yoda. I don't think anyone can be older than him. Anyway, this Jedi I've seen him before but I don't remember his name. He was bald the last time I saw him, I think.

_Dooku looks thoughtful as he tries to remember the name of the Jedi he was describing._ _He shakes his head after a moment and continues talking about the lightsaber technique the man was utilizing._

He seems to make his opponents move where he wants them to without putting forth much effort on his part. I want to learn his style and I'm gonna ask Master Yoda tomorrow what it is and see if he'll teach it to me.

**Year Three – Day 31**

_Dooku looks disappointed but not upset._

I asked Master Yoda this morning what lightsaber style that old Jedi uses and he told me that I was not ready for it. He said that if I learned it now, it would do more harm to my training than good. I don't see how it would. It didn't seem to affect Master Cerulian—that's who Yoda says he is—one bit when he sparred with the other Jedi. Maybe if I go to him he will teach me?

**Year Three – Day 40**

Master Cerulian said he would be honored but not until I was older. I asked why and he told me because Makashi, that's what he called it, took discipline of the kind that a youngling such as myself would not have and won't have until I became a padawan. He said if I make it to an apprenticeship to come seek him out and he would teach me. I will hold him to it.

_Dooku grins and turns off the recorder._


	10. Year Three - Day 101

_My apologies for the long wait for the next chapter. Updating this had totally slipped my mind. I assure you there are still plenty of entries left to keep you all occupied for weeks to come. :) I also want to thank everyone for the reviews, follows and favs that have been given to this story. It means a lot to me._

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**Year Three – Day 101**

_The boy is standing, the pebbles he had first practiced telekinesis on are floating freely in front of him, a smile on his face. He makes them dance in the air before gently settling them back on the ground._

I've learned how to grab and hold things in the Force. Master Yoda had to trick me into doing it. Though it wasn't a mean trick. Still, it taught me what I needed to learn to do it.

_He lifts up the pebbles again and as he holds them, he continues to talk about the lesson._

You see there were these stone bricks he wanted us to lift and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't do it. Some of the other Initiates could do it with some difficulty but I couldn't get one to even budge. I didn't understand why. I could lift these pebbles easily enough.

I was becoming frustrated and upset and Master Yoda came over to me. He then asked me to lift this large, empty pot that was off to the side. I think Master Yoda called it an urn, I don't remember exactly. Anyway, he told me to lift it and so I did. Then he told me to go and pick it up and I couldn't. The darn thing was too heavy for me!

He asked me why I could lift the heavy pot when I couldn't lift the bricks. I told him the bricks were heavy. He said the pot was also heavy yet I could lift it with the Force.

"Why could you, Dooku?" he had asked me again and I thought about it.

"Because I thought it was lighter than the bricks," I had replied and he smiled at me. That's when I realized my mistake. Because I had believed the bricks to be heavy, I couldn't lift them. But when I believed the pot to be lighter, even though it really wasn't, I could do it. He had me do another attempt on the bricks and with what I learned, I imagined them to be as light as these pebbles.

_The pebbles swirled around a bit in front of him. He was grinning._

The bricks rose up off the ground and I held them there for a few seconds before I had to let go. Although I can do it, I can't do it for long. Which fracking sucks!

"_Dooku!" The pebbles suddenly drop to the floor with a clattering thud as the boy is startled. "How many times must I tell you that we do not speak such language?" Master Naki has come into view and Dooku is holding his head down._

"_I'm sorry, Master." _

"_Now where did you learn that word?" Her tone is lighter, more understanding as she kneels in front of him and Dooku furrows his brow at the question. This is the first time Naki has been seen. She is human, dark skinned with dark eyes and braided hair. She is also rather young, but old enough to have the wisdom borne from years of raising children. _

"_Um... Master Yoda?" It was obvious he was lying and she gave him a look for it. He defiantly met her gaze for a few moments before caving in to what has been deemed by the other younglings as _The Sith Look._ "One of the workers who was fixing the pipes in the refectory a while back. Something broke as he was fixing it and he said 'Frack"."_

_Naki shook her head lightly, the dark braids gently brushing across her shoulders as she did. "We must not go around repeating everything we hear, youngling. Now, finish up with your journal and get cleaned up. The clan will be leaving for supper in a few minutes."_

"_Yes, Master Naki." Dooku waited for her to leave before he turned to the recorder. He looks irritated rather than angry._

I hate it when she does that. I know we can't exactly keep things to ourselves since we all pretty much share the same room, but she could at least let me know she was there.

_He sighs softly and takes a deep breath before letting it out. His stomach growls and he glares down at it. _

I guess I'll continue this later when no one can drop in unexpectedly again and I'm not hungry.


	11. Year Three - Day 122

**Year Three – Day 122**

_Dooku's left arm is in a sling and he is sitting in a medical bed. He sniffs when he shifts the arm a little. It apparently hurts... a lot._

Something terrible happened today in the Temple. I can still feel the shock from the other Jedi, so I know it wasn't suppose to happen or at least it is not something that happens often.

_He looks around warily before leaning closer to the recorder, his voice dropping to a whisper._

I'm not suppose to mention this, but a Jedi lost it and killed another Jedi. I saw it happen. It happened in one of the sparring arenas. A Master and a Padawan were dueling. After my lessons I would go watch the others spar, sometimes with others from the clan. But this time I went alone and I wish I hadn't or maybe it was good that I had cause I don't know what he would have done had there been more of us.

_Dooku glances a little fearfully to the side at the sound of something dropping. A woman is heard behind the divider separating his room from the other room as she quietly complains._

The two Jedi had been sparring for a while and the Master was talking to the Padawan about something the boy had done on their last mission. It seemed to anger the Padawan and he accused the Master of not understanding. The argument quickly deteriorated into a real fight. I was up above in the viewing area, where other Jedi could observe matches on the ground, you know. I was glad too because they started flinging things at each other with the Force and I was certain that if I had been down there, they might have used me too!

The Master was holding his own against the Padawan and was trying to talk the boy into calming down, but he wouldn't listen or he didn't want to. He seemed to get stronger and the Master was getting more tired as the fight drew out. I don't understand why no one else came in to put a stop to it. I know Master Yoda would have had he been on-world at the time. I was the only one present and they both seemed unaware that I was there. I knew if something wasn't done, bad things would happen.

I shouted down to them, "Stop! Stop it!"

I shouldn't have though. The Master looked up in surprise at seeing me there and the angry Padawan took advantage of his distraction. His surprise turned to pain from the Padawan's blue lightsaber piercing his body.

"No!" I had cried. The Master slipped to the floor and the boy stabbed his weapon down into him a second time before looking up at me. I backpedaled from the railing just as he leapt to me. I tried to get away but he caught me in the Force and dragged me to him. I … I... never have been more afraid of anything before like I was of him at that moment. I didn't want to die and I tried to get out of his grip but he held on tighter.

He twisted my arm behind me so hard I heard and felt something tear. The Padawan kept a hand over my mouth to keep me from screaming before whispering coldly to me. "If anyone asks, you say nothing, Initiate."

I felt him straighten when the sound of voices could be heard below. He warned me to be quiet or else before he quickly fled the area. I stayed quiet for as long as I could but the pain in my arm was too much and I started crying. The others heard me and found me amongst the benches holding my arm. Master Cerulian was among the Jedi that came to see what had happened and found me first. He took me in his arms and told me it would be alright.

But how could it? A master was dead and my arm was broken and I know that if I said anything that Padawan would come back and hurt me some more! Master Cerulian tried to ask me what had happened but I just shook my head and held on to him. I think he knows I had witnessed the whole thing. I wish I could tell him.

_The boy looks down and fiddles with the thin wraps poking out from under the sling. He sniffles a little more before changing the subject._

Healer Ioyna says my arm isn't broken, it is just very sore from having been twisted wrong. She said my muscles and tendons have been over-stretched and a few days of bacta treatment will have them feeling good as new again. I hope so. I think I will miss my lessons with Master Yoda but after what happened today, I'm not so sure I want to learn now.

_Dooku looks uncertain before laying back in the bed. He would have continued except that Healer Ioyna entered the room with a small tray of food. She set it down beside the bed and smiled at the boy. She was young, recently Knighted from the looks of it, a slight stub of hair where the braid would have been was neatly hidden behind her loose and dark hairstyle. She was mildly good looking, but nothing to die for and seemed to prefer the simple robes of the Healers._

"_How are you feeling?" she asked him, smiling warmly._

"_It hurts."_

"_I know, but the pain will soon pass in a few days."_

"_Can I go back to the creche?"_

_Ioyna shook her head lightly. "I'm afraid you will have to stay here for observation." She glances at the recorder in his lap. "Is that yours?" Dooku grabs for it but she stills him with a gentle hand on his arms. "No, no. I won't take it, I promise. Is it for an assignment?"_

_Dooku shook his head. "I... Its my journal."_

"_Is it now? Anything interesting on it? Maybe a girl you like?" she was teasing him and Dooku made a face at the mentioning of liking a girl._

"_Eww, girls are yucky! Why would I talk about one on _my_ journal?" Ioyna laughed softly at his response but gives the journal an interested glance before he turns it off._


End file.
